October 7th, 2008
So, sometimes I feel like this...not meant to be depressing, just interesting...hooray Linklater:
"- I was thinking, for me it's better I don't
romanticize things as much anymore. I
was suffering so much all the time. I
still have lots of dreams, but they're not in regard to my love life. It doesn't make me sad, it’s just the way it
is. Obviously, I can't deal with the day
to day life of a relationship. When someone is always around me, I'm suffocating!
-No, wait, you just said that you need to love and be loved...
-Yeah, but when I do, it quickly makes me nauseous! It's a disaster... I mean, I'm really happy only when I'm on my
own. Even being alone...it's better than sitting next to a lover and feeling
lonely. It's not so easy for me to be a
romantic. You start off that way, and after
you've been screwed over a few times... You forget about all your delusional
ideas, and you just take what comes into your life. That's not even true, I haven't been screwed
over, I've just had too many blah relationships. They weren't mean, they cared
for me, but there was no real connection, or excitement. At least, not from my side...You know what?
Reality and love are almost contradictory for me... I'm sorry, I don't know what
happened. I just...I had to let it all
out... I always act like...you know, I'm detached, but I'm dying inside. I'm
dying because I'm so numb, I don't feel pain, or excitement...I'm not even
bitter, I'm just...”
